gender is a biotch

Feminists: Beware. Senegal isn’t ready for you. They often seem completely oblivious to that, but nonetheless, this is not a culture that values woman as individual people. Things and attitudes are slowwwwwwly changing, not that it’s enough.

Just got through with another gender discussionish argument of sort at the boutique. Yep, that is my Sunday night. I was just hanging at the shop, poking at a huge moth on top of a rice sack. So, some guy I find kind of cool, Faye, (plus is a good friend of my favorite guy here) start onto a conversation. First, we (me and my every day chat buddy Ngun & Malik, boutique worker-another daily fixture in my life) dude were talking about how Americans like to have a lot of fun. (I mentioned the ping pong table team louga built and uses regularly) Because we have money. Because we work. That was all agreed on.

And so then it goes onto the fact that Faye thought my life in Senegal was all grand and dandy, easier than in America (based on his little knowledge of me and America). And I told him its not true, one reason being I don’t get a lot of deserved respect because I am a female. Females are sub-servant, always doing everything while dudes sit (stereotypically) here.

Granted, I don’t do that. I am a sort of male-female here. But there are the men who, you know, don’t shake my hand, ask me to be their 3rd wife, dismiss my words, tell me to sit down when I play sports, and constantly tell me they love me. (can really be a nightmare if you aren’t able to handle it) I am surprised each time a man is professional, in all reality. It does happen.

The discussions I have with people about gender roles always back to well, its Islam. And I’m like so you have a book that says men can have 4 wives, that’s a great idea! Guess I wont think for myself. I kept going back to Senegal being naxna (good) for dudes, naxul (bad) for gals. Which, I mean, is true.

Definitely the best thing about learning wolof is telling people off in their local language. White person is telling me off in wolof. I can’t not listen.

Lately, I average a stranger every two days. Last week was a good week. Being called a toubab is, no matter how hard you try to ignore it, really really annoying. It’s the word for white person. Some say its for the French only, who have a much worse reputation in Africa than America does. In fact, they love America here. So, maybe feminists do want to come for a vacation here rather than say, America-loathing Europe.

Some say toubab is for any person who is white. Its not malicious at all in most cases. But it feels, to an American, racist. Because, hey, lets face it. You’d be bitter at the French too if you were Senegalese. So I don’t like to be lumped in. And its always a lump with Europe, which with they are more familiar. And like, I am not European. Americans have a really nice reputation in Senegal, which I accredit partially to the Peace Corps definitely. Peace Corps is soft diplomacy. You really don’t see Europeans speaking Wolof. Or Pulaar. Or Mandinka. Etc. And that means almost everything to people.
It shows them you understand them because you care about them. And that’s something unique to Peace Corps throughout the world.
I tell people “I have a name. I don’t call you black. I call you by your name and if I don’t know it, I ask for it. Understand? Where is your respect?”

Or the other day, at bean sandwich stand (I was all proud I got up so early so I went for a coffee and kidney beans on bread sandwich) I had a guy telling me he loved me. And I wasn’t in the mood for it so I asked him where his freaking respect for me is. Can’t a girl just have breakfast and listen to her earphones? I know you don’t talk like this to Senegalese women. And everyone there was like “wax na dig, wax na dig”, like you speak the truth. It just needs to be in wolof and you have a newfound freedom.

Being able to express yourself is so invaluable. And telling off (really surprised, impressed) people is just a bonus.